Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Conversations with....Nolan (entry 2)

Nolan got in trouble today for jumping on his bed after his brother was injured for the second time and had already been warned that he would lose his "music player" (boom box) if he was caught jumping again. So he lost the music player and launched into an insane tantrum. Later, at dinner, we had the following conversation:

Nolan: "Mommy, I love you so, so much."
Me: "I love you too sweetie."
Nolan: "But sometimes I just don't really like you Mommy."
Me: "That's ok, I still love you and like you."
Nolan: "I don't like you taking things away from me."
Me: "I know, but there are rules."
Nolan: "I think you won't like me taking things away from you."
Me: "Like what?"
Nolan stares at me silently with a thoughtful expression and goes back to eating.

Great, now I get to be on the lookout for shit that has gone missing. Then again, he already took my self-respect, my sanity, my flat stomach, my perky boobs, my money, my sleep and my last nerve. So really, what's left?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Santa Baby (The Mom's Version)

My very own version of the Christmas song, for all the moms out there who make Christmas happen while the fat guy gets all the credit.

Santa baby, just slip a bottle under the tree, for me
It’s been an awful long year
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, could you just watch the kids for a mom's night out?
Don’t wait up for me dear Santa baby, just hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Running around town with this damn Christmas list
Next year maybe you could do your share
And prove to me that you actually exist
Boo doo bee doo

Santa baby, I need a shot and make it the strongest
you’ve got
These kids are driving me nuts
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, one thing I really do need, I plead
for just a quick little nap
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie come and fill the stockings, it’s the least you could do
Don’t forget to fill mine
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and clean around my Christmas tree
Cook the Christmas dinner for the family
I’d really like to believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, the vacuuming
Don’t forget under the couch
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight